Wednesday, 10 December 2008

London Pace - Cont

I was having a conversation with my mother (yes her again) and she brought a few things to my attention with regards to the so called London Pace. First off, if London has a Pace, then Suburbia has a Saunter. By this I mean, the leisurely walk that people adopt when the hit cow country. The walk that says 'I have all the time in the world' the sort of walk that people adopt when they want people to know that if they wanted to they could stop and chat, if they wanted to. They could pop in for a coffee, they are in no rush to cross the road, there's no hurry, they have all the time in the world.

The London Pace is more of a half-skip-half-jog across the road and coffee to go sort of speed. It's most evident when I watch people in the morning, the commuters will rush to their car, open the door, throw their bag/purse into the passenger set, chip a small hole in which to see through and speed off with tyre squealing and a cloud of dust.

The Suburban Saunterer will exit the house, and ever so coolly meander up the drive to the car. They may examine the car, check for scratches, maybe rub off a smudge, they may even walk round to the passenger side in order to gently place their things onto the passenger seat. Then upon entering their car, which is preheated having been idling for five minutes, they will check all mirrors are just right before gently rolling out of the drive. The entire process is like a gigantic up yours to the people who have places to be, every movement is specially choreographed to say 'Hey, I'm in no hurry', and especially if they happen to be in the way of those who do have train to catch etc.

That's when they really come into their own, that person at the junction, waiting to pull into traffic, while you silently seething. YOU COULD HAVE FIT PARLIAMENT IN THAT GAP IT WAS SO BIG, but no, they are going to wait, wasn't quite big enough for them to get out, wouldn't' want to hold up traffic would we? No, we'll just create a queue of angry drivers all questioning how an idiot like yourself could have passed the driving test when you can't even get into traffic.

The second thing she mentioned was escalators, If you work in London you know what I am thinking; stand on the right, walk on the left - ignore this at your own peril! I Suburbia, people stand all over the place! They'll walk, lean, stand, wherever they damn well choose! So if you are in a hurry you can't walk up them without attempting an elaborate obstacle course! You see no one is in a hurry, they stand, and let the escalators transport them, and even they are slower! I'm sure of it! The escalators in my local shopping centres move at a glacial pace! So SLOW!!! Compared to the escalators in the tube station which are conveyor belts of doom, shipping you off at the end at such a speed that if you are not paying attention you could end up head first into the wall!

You see, It's not me! IT'S NOT ME! I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy, the world actually revolves slower outside of the city.

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