Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Money Matters

If you ever want an argument for money being the highest motivator there is, look at the commuters who work in London. That extra 5-10k that they get from working in the big smoke is worth all the hassle and hardship that commuting comes with. My mum has been doing it for nigh on 10 years! All for that extra clink in your pocket. Even though commuting is possibly the most tiring, stressful, and lengthy activity in the human world. Let's review the evidence shall we?

First there is the leg aching, stop-start journey, that is rush hour traffic. All those beautiful school runs with the mum's in their four by fours. I personally don't have anything against four wheel drive, I figure by the time global warming really kicks in I will be long gone, what I do have a problem with is mothers behind the wheel of a four wheel drive doing 40 mph when the limit is 60! Don't they understand that if there was a crash, they are in a high tech, safety tricked out, tank? Whereas I , in my clapped out, wibbly wobbly, mousketeer of a car would come of far worse, and I still think it is worth the risk going the speed limit, in order to get to work on time! Honestly you'd think they would want to get the kid to school quicker, if it was me I would be burning rubber before booting them out the car and tossing their lunches after them.

So after you have pea rolled your way to the station, you then have brave the station car park. Here, once a day, or once a month if your lucky, or once a year if your really lucky (depending on how long the waiting list is for a parking permit - Oh yes, there is a list) you get to pay through the noise for a small white lined box. A box which is so extortionately over priced because of the convenience and safety that your car will receive. Yet, I'm fairly sure I saw sign the other day saying that South-Eastern were not responsible to any damage done to your car while in the car park, and it still takes me 10 mins to get from the nosebleed section of the car park, all the way to the platform. So much for that idea then, more like you will pay this amount because we have bought up all the car parks in the area so you have no choice but to leave your car with us! Mwahahahaha!! It always amazes me, when I park before 7 in the morning, that I am still in the back 20, when I get to the front to exit I always look at that one car that is parked right next to the stairs and think, 'what time did you get here, 4 am?!'

So after you have successfully made it to the station, god forbid if it is that time of the month, by that I mean you need a new ticket. I have taken to getting mine at weekends now it is so awful. Queues out the door, literally, hundreds of commuters trying to buy that bit of cardboard that so rules our life. Have you ever seen a commuter with their ticket? They will put that away carefully in their bag before they do anything else, you can always tell the one's who have lost it before, they will put in in a special pocket of their bad then check it's still in there, before zipping it carefully shut. I have even seen a mother tuck her ticket carefully away before she looked to see if her child had got through the barriers ok!

On the train, if you are lucky you will be able to get squished between Halitosis Moses, and Never Shower Neville in seats which are only comfortable for children or the nutrition starved. Or, if you are unlucky you will get to stand and do that weird balancing act that everyone does trying to hold on, and read the paper at the same time. Ladies and Gentlemen for your delight and amusement, my next trick will be letting go of the hand rail, and successfully turning the page of my newspaper, all before the next corner! (Ooh! Ahh!) All this for half an hour before the train slowly grind to a halt and you hear "My apologies, we are just waiting for a platform to become available, then we will be arriving at London Wherever". So Close! You are so close you can nearly taste it, but no, instead you sit there, within walking distance, waiting for a platform. Not to mention to have to pay £2-£3000 a year for the priviledge

Once you get to the station, you then have to negotiate your way to the office. This is done one of three ways.

1) Step Right up to see London's deadliest weapon, the Bendy Bus! It Bends! It Curves! And it can take out pedestrians on the corners like no other!

2) Do you like inhaling car fumes and pollution? You do?! Well you've come to the right place! How about a nice brisk walk through London central, Mmm I can almost taste the disease infested air now!

3) Was that shirt clean on this morning? Not any more, you've been travelling on the Tube! Filthy, Sweaty and over crowded! You'll get squished into someone else arm pit all for a bargain price!

After all that, you finally get to work, probably exhausted, sweaty and pissed off. Then you get to spend the whole day knowing that you get to do it all again on the way home! Yet we do it, hell, I do it! Day in and Day out!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...I give you, the power of financial motivation!

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