I know that people say that you should be careful what you wish for, it's an oldie but a goodie, and to be honest I never really payed attention to it, until now! Ok Ok, listen I'm not lazy as such but in my job I have gotten used to being told what to do - then doing it! Radical, I know. Now, I have had this fancy promotion (although same salary) and all these extra responsibilities, ay there's the rub. The problem is all of a sudden instead of 'Siobhan, go do the filing' now I'm getting ' Siobhan, can you devise a new method for our filing system and present it to me in one week at our Project Update Meeting.' Yikes! This is not what I am used to, all of a sudden my cushy, Log 'em and Flog 'em job now requires me to think outside of the box, Hell the fact that it requires me to think at all is a new step.
Yes, ok, alright, I did use to moan about being seen as unimportant, a little fish in a big pond so to speak, and now all of a sudden I have been thrown in the fast lane and told to sink or swim. (too many metaphors?) Sigh, I now find myself in a situation where I need to pull my finger out and engage the little gray cells... what's a girl to do?
I'll keep you posted...
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Thursday, 8 January 2009
A Big Question
I heard once that there is no good or evil, there is only Power. Human's are born with Free Will, and born of that are the choices we make and their effects and it is said that it is our choices that determine out character. In most religions we are encouraged to choose to be good and follow a faith in order to gain our salvation, so, in accordance with this, if we make choices perceived as evil than we are choosing to be evil. So thinking along these lines it's about choice and perception that's creates good and evil, but is that true. Firstly, who decided what perception we were supposed to accept? Who decided what was evil and what wasn't? You could argue religion. You could also argue that people are born with a sense of morality, and at the same time some people aren't, which is why they do evil.
Thus far we have established that good and evil is bourn out of the choices we make, if we choose to harm things or take lives we are perceived as evil. A child, on a sunny day, with a magnifying glass and an ant hill; lives are being taken and harm is being done but would we call that evil? He is choosing to kill the ants by burning them alive but I doubt very much if it would be called evil. It could be argued that he does not realise the full implications of what he is doing. On a larger scale a serial killer who burns his victims alive would more likely be called evil, his awareness of the pain he is inflicting and the reality of his actions give weight to the argument. So is the difference awareness? Or is it Power? The child with the magnifying glass would not be able to kill hundreds of people the way he does with the ants, he does not have the strength, ability or intelligence to do it, he does not have the power, but who's to say he wouldn't? If we lived in some sort of Stephen King style universe and the child had the ability to start fires with his mind maybe he would use his pyrokinetic powers to set people alight? Would we call him evil then? Remembering that the child does not know what he is doing, they are not aware of the implications of their actions, they have a power or things but they do not understand it.
So, good and evil is not just a choice, is the awareness and understanding of that choice as well. To be evil you need to be consciously committing evil, but does that mean we forgive all those who do it unknowingly? If someone commits a crime which leads to a death but they do it unknowingly is it now evil? An accidental evil? If they repent should their ignorance be forgiven? A bank robber who handcuffs the manager to the table, in order to collect the money, then knocks over a lit cigarette onto a stack of papers as he leaves resulting in the Manager being burnt alive in the vault because he cannot escape, his actions resulted in the mans death but it was unintentional and without his knowledge. Was it an evil act? Would we forgive his ignorance? I'm sure he would be sorry, but a man would still be dead, his last few monuments spent on this earth in panic and agony, the outcome is awful enough but there was no intent. You could argue that stealing is a sin as well so the man was evil anyway but that would open up a whole new set of conditions and circumstances. The difference between Murder and Manslaughter is intent, legally without intent there is no malevolence, only an accident; which although still punishable, is less so. This lends to the conclusion, without intent there is no evil.
To be evil you need a conscious action, awareness and intent, but do you also need the power to do it. An Agoraphobia sufferer who lives alone, cannot venture outside of his abode, and shuns all human contact; but desires, with all of his black little heart to kill and murder all the people who have ever crossed him in any way. He spend his days mentally killing and maiming anyone he has every perceived as wronging him but does not have the power to do so because he cannot leave his house. He has awareness and intent but lacks the power to complete the evil, therefore is there no evil? His anger and malevolence will never harm anyone else, but it is still there, the evil in his heart. It's the proverbial tree in the forest, the evil is there but there is no one harmed from it, so is there really evil?
The final criteria are power then, there has to be the power to complete the evil, but can the level of power differentiate between an act and an evil act? The child with the magnifying glass is not evil but a fully gown man with a blow torch is because the level of power is different, the devastation is more far reaching therefore it graduates to evil. In films and science fiction books more advanced alien races often come to earth with the plot line of exterminating our race in order to live on our planet, not having one of their own. For dramatic emphasis they are usually portrayed as 'the bad guys'; the idea of killing off the human race to make room for their own inhabitation is seen by us as evil. The aliens are seen as evil because of their intentions and because they have the power to do it, it's the big guy picking on the little guy! So by that standard are we, as a race evil? Let’s face it we expand and murder thousands of species every day; cutting down rain forests, damming rivers, expanding our cities, is that not the same thing? We know what we are doing, they are conscious acts with understood intentions, but we lack the power to create the devastation that our fictional counterpart can do, we cannot wipe out an entire planet continent by continent, but does that make us any better?
Maybe awareness, intention and power have nothing to do with it at all; maybe it is all to do with perception. We justify to ourselves our actions everyday; evil, not evil; good, not good; but it's only those with power who get noticed and judged by us as a whole. Julius Caesar was perceived as a hero but he Romans when he conquered Gaul, but I'm sure they saw him as a ruthless tyrant. We remember the straight roads and the democracy that the empire created, but others might mention the wars, the murders and the debauchery. We justify the cutting down of rainforests by planting new trees, but tell that to the millions of creature who will die as a result of it, they will not benefit from the newly planted trees.
It seems that perception is the key, you have to pick a side, 'There is no Good or Evil, there is only Power.' Well I don't think that is strictly true, there is Power of varying degrees, everyone has a certain amount of Power, some less than others, and they make choices with that Power. The choices and actions resulting from it are they perceived by everyone else and categorised - Right or Wrong. Our perceptions are guided by different things, our emotions, religion, our own morale compass, our up-bringing, or our life circumstances; and it is with these things that we sort the grey into black or white. We use awareness, intent and the level of damage cause to determine the evil, but whether or not it is evil is still a decision made, a perceived idea, there is no fool proof test.
There is Good, and there is Evil but only you have the Power to choose.
Thus far we have established that good and evil is bourn out of the choices we make, if we choose to harm things or take lives we are perceived as evil. A child, on a sunny day, with a magnifying glass and an ant hill; lives are being taken and harm is being done but would we call that evil? He is choosing to kill the ants by burning them alive but I doubt very much if it would be called evil. It could be argued that he does not realise the full implications of what he is doing. On a larger scale a serial killer who burns his victims alive would more likely be called evil, his awareness of the pain he is inflicting and the reality of his actions give weight to the argument. So is the difference awareness? Or is it Power? The child with the magnifying glass would not be able to kill hundreds of people the way he does with the ants, he does not have the strength, ability or intelligence to do it, he does not have the power, but who's to say he wouldn't? If we lived in some sort of Stephen King style universe and the child had the ability to start fires with his mind maybe he would use his pyrokinetic powers to set people alight? Would we call him evil then? Remembering that the child does not know what he is doing, they are not aware of the implications of their actions, they have a power or things but they do not understand it.
So, good and evil is not just a choice, is the awareness and understanding of that choice as well. To be evil you need to be consciously committing evil, but does that mean we forgive all those who do it unknowingly? If someone commits a crime which leads to a death but they do it unknowingly is it now evil? An accidental evil? If they repent should their ignorance be forgiven? A bank robber who handcuffs the manager to the table, in order to collect the money, then knocks over a lit cigarette onto a stack of papers as he leaves resulting in the Manager being burnt alive in the vault because he cannot escape, his actions resulted in the mans death but it was unintentional and without his knowledge. Was it an evil act? Would we forgive his ignorance? I'm sure he would be sorry, but a man would still be dead, his last few monuments spent on this earth in panic and agony, the outcome is awful enough but there was no intent. You could argue that stealing is a sin as well so the man was evil anyway but that would open up a whole new set of conditions and circumstances. The difference between Murder and Manslaughter is intent, legally without intent there is no malevolence, only an accident; which although still punishable, is less so. This lends to the conclusion, without intent there is no evil.
To be evil you need a conscious action, awareness and intent, but do you also need the power to do it. An Agoraphobia sufferer who lives alone, cannot venture outside of his abode, and shuns all human contact; but desires, with all of his black little heart to kill and murder all the people who have ever crossed him in any way. He spend his days mentally killing and maiming anyone he has every perceived as wronging him but does not have the power to do so because he cannot leave his house. He has awareness and intent but lacks the power to complete the evil, therefore is there no evil? His anger and malevolence will never harm anyone else, but it is still there, the evil in his heart. It's the proverbial tree in the forest, the evil is there but there is no one harmed from it, so is there really evil?
The final criteria are power then, there has to be the power to complete the evil, but can the level of power differentiate between an act and an evil act? The child with the magnifying glass is not evil but a fully gown man with a blow torch is because the level of power is different, the devastation is more far reaching therefore it graduates to evil. In films and science fiction books more advanced alien races often come to earth with the plot line of exterminating our race in order to live on our planet, not having one of their own. For dramatic emphasis they are usually portrayed as 'the bad guys'; the idea of killing off the human race to make room for their own inhabitation is seen by us as evil. The aliens are seen as evil because of their intentions and because they have the power to do it, it's the big guy picking on the little guy! So by that standard are we, as a race evil? Let’s face it we expand and murder thousands of species every day; cutting down rain forests, damming rivers, expanding our cities, is that not the same thing? We know what we are doing, they are conscious acts with understood intentions, but we lack the power to create the devastation that our fictional counterpart can do, we cannot wipe out an entire planet continent by continent, but does that make us any better?
Maybe awareness, intention and power have nothing to do with it at all; maybe it is all to do with perception. We justify to ourselves our actions everyday; evil, not evil; good, not good; but it's only those with power who get noticed and judged by us as a whole. Julius Caesar was perceived as a hero but he Romans when he conquered Gaul, but I'm sure they saw him as a ruthless tyrant. We remember the straight roads and the democracy that the empire created, but others might mention the wars, the murders and the debauchery. We justify the cutting down of rainforests by planting new trees, but tell that to the millions of creature who will die as a result of it, they will not benefit from the newly planted trees.
It seems that perception is the key, you have to pick a side, 'There is no Good or Evil, there is only Power.' Well I don't think that is strictly true, there is Power of varying degrees, everyone has a certain amount of Power, some less than others, and they make choices with that Power. The choices and actions resulting from it are they perceived by everyone else and categorised - Right or Wrong. Our perceptions are guided by different things, our emotions, religion, our own morale compass, our up-bringing, or our life circumstances; and it is with these things that we sort the grey into black or white. We use awareness, intent and the level of damage cause to determine the evil, but whether or not it is evil is still a decision made, a perceived idea, there is no fool proof test.
There is Good, and there is Evil but only you have the Power to choose.
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Christmas
Well, let put it this way, I’m beginning to think that Scrooge had the right idea.
I have officially got to the stage of my life where I understand how much work goes into it. The shopping and the drinking, and the socialising. The food, the cooking of the food, cleaning the house, decorating, Christmas cards, Christmas emails. Even dressing in the morning is harder, ‘oh I can’t wear that I need to look nice!’ It’s funny how an outfit that is suitable for the rest of the year is now suddenly not so suitable. It’s exhausting!
In addition to all this you have the examination of your life that is suddenly thrown into focus. Your family want to know about work, work want to know about your family. Everyone wants to know what your plans are, will you be with that certain someone or relegated back to Mummy and Daddy’s. Maybe you are the Mummy or Daddy in which case your Christmas planning skills are looked into. How good is your family Christmas? Do you have a boyfriend yet? When’s the wedding? Kids? How’s your job? Where are you living? Questions! Questions! QUESTIONS!!! Christmas is the time when everyone and anyone seem to think they entitled to an insight into your life, whether it is a pushy relative or a nosey colleague.
So you can imagine, dealing with all of this stress levels are already high. Come Christmas day, it’s like putting it all in a big pressure cooker and waiting it to go off with pretty red and green sparks. Of course by pressure cooker I mean The Family.
(Family + Alcohol) x Enclosed Space = Stress
You can picture it, I’m sure; the cooks are snippy because the prep is boring, repetitive and tiring. The place is a mess, there is stuff everywhere: cards, decorations, gifts, wrapping paper. Worst of all is the ‘Christmas’ mentality. You feel obliged to all stay together, as it would un-christmassy to go to you room, as a result everyone is milling around, bored, making small talk and drinking.
There’s the father I barely speak to asking bland questions and making bad jokes; the return of the prodigal son with solutions and pompous advice a plenty; finally the mother, with plenty of stress induce bitchiness. Clearly the only solution is to drink, and drink copiously, things are easier to handle when everything is a little fuzzy around the outside.
Finally as one last grievance, in my opinion the only way to eat turkey is with mayo in a sandwich. In a roast dinner, it’s dry and tasteless. Who decided that every year you should have turkey, I have no idea, it was probably a man, they always go for size over everything else.
That’s it, I’ve decided, next year Christmas IS CANCELLED!
I have officially got to the stage of my life where I understand how much work goes into it. The shopping and the drinking, and the socialising. The food, the cooking of the food, cleaning the house, decorating, Christmas cards, Christmas emails. Even dressing in the morning is harder, ‘oh I can’t wear that I need to look nice!’ It’s funny how an outfit that is suitable for the rest of the year is now suddenly not so suitable. It’s exhausting!
In addition to all this you have the examination of your life that is suddenly thrown into focus. Your family want to know about work, work want to know about your family. Everyone wants to know what your plans are, will you be with that certain someone or relegated back to Mummy and Daddy’s. Maybe you are the Mummy or Daddy in which case your Christmas planning skills are looked into. How good is your family Christmas? Do you have a boyfriend yet? When’s the wedding? Kids? How’s your job? Where are you living? Questions! Questions! QUESTIONS!!! Christmas is the time when everyone and anyone seem to think they entitled to an insight into your life, whether it is a pushy relative or a nosey colleague.
So you can imagine, dealing with all of this stress levels are already high. Come Christmas day, it’s like putting it all in a big pressure cooker and waiting it to go off with pretty red and green sparks. Of course by pressure cooker I mean The Family.
(Family + Alcohol) x Enclosed Space = Stress
You can picture it, I’m sure; the cooks are snippy because the prep is boring, repetitive and tiring. The place is a mess, there is stuff everywhere: cards, decorations, gifts, wrapping paper. Worst of all is the ‘Christmas’ mentality. You feel obliged to all stay together, as it would un-christmassy to go to you room, as a result everyone is milling around, bored, making small talk and drinking.
There’s the father I barely speak to asking bland questions and making bad jokes; the return of the prodigal son with solutions and pompous advice a plenty; finally the mother, with plenty of stress induce bitchiness. Clearly the only solution is to drink, and drink copiously, things are easier to handle when everything is a little fuzzy around the outside.
Finally as one last grievance, in my opinion the only way to eat turkey is with mayo in a sandwich. In a roast dinner, it’s dry and tasteless. Who decided that every year you should have turkey, I have no idea, it was probably a man, they always go for size over everything else.
That’s it, I’ve decided, next year Christmas IS CANCELLED!
Monday, 22 December 2008
Secret Santa
It's funny these people you work with, you spend 8 hours (or more in some cases) a day with them and in most cases you don't know them as well as you should, in some cases you know them as much as you have to, and in some cases you know them a little too well. In spite of this they can still surprise you with something as simple as Secret Santa.
You can picture the scene; we were all crowded round one pod of desks with presents being tossed to their recipients, paper flying. There is the usual banter with one or two present causing amusement, and yes one person has made that trip to the novelty aisle in Anne Summers. We have swearing books, Simpson slippers and mini condoms, all being enjoyed (or hidden) by their grateful new owners; and then there's mine. A present not only on the mark, but scarily close to something I actually would have bought myself - a book. Not just any book, a book about creative writing!
Now being the introverted, antisocial person that I am, I am fairly sure that I have never mentioned that fact that I like to write things to anyone. I don't think I have ever talked about my blog, or about my poems or anything, this is just not a side to me I share at work. My colleagues only get part of me, they don't get my personal life, or my love life and they certainly don't get details of my hobbies and aspirations. So how did they know?
I'm telling you, it's killing me! I am utterly baffled that this person should know me so well, who are they? How did they figure it out? I can only assume that alcohol was involved somewhere as that is the only way they could have got through the chinks in my armour. Hmmm, don't worry. I have a lead! I was told this morning that the receptionist had already let someone use her wrapping paper, and my present came wrapped in that paper! Hecule Poirot eat your heart out! all I have to do is ask her tomorrow who borrowed the paper! Elementary my dear Watson! Yikes, now I'm mixing Sleuths, but you get the point.
So I guess my point is that you should never underestimate people, they may know you better than you think. A lesson learnt here today it seems - and to think I even moaned about organising the damn thing!
You can picture the scene; we were all crowded round one pod of desks with presents being tossed to their recipients, paper flying. There is the usual banter with one or two present causing amusement, and yes one person has made that trip to the novelty aisle in Anne Summers. We have swearing books, Simpson slippers and mini condoms, all being enjoyed (or hidden) by their grateful new owners; and then there's mine. A present not only on the mark, but scarily close to something I actually would have bought myself - a book. Not just any book, a book about creative writing!
Now being the introverted, antisocial person that I am, I am fairly sure that I have never mentioned that fact that I like to write things to anyone. I don't think I have ever talked about my blog, or about my poems or anything, this is just not a side to me I share at work. My colleagues only get part of me, they don't get my personal life, or my love life and they certainly don't get details of my hobbies and aspirations. So how did they know?
I'm telling you, it's killing me! I am utterly baffled that this person should know me so well, who are they? How did they figure it out? I can only assume that alcohol was involved somewhere as that is the only way they could have got through the chinks in my armour. Hmmm, don't worry. I have a lead! I was told this morning that the receptionist had already let someone use her wrapping paper, and my present came wrapped in that paper! Hecule Poirot eat your heart out! all I have to do is ask her tomorrow who borrowed the paper! Elementary my dear Watson! Yikes, now I'm mixing Sleuths, but you get the point.
So I guess my point is that you should never underestimate people, they may know you better than you think. A lesson learnt here today it seems - and to think I even moaned about organising the damn thing!
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
London Pace - Cont
I was having a conversation with my mother (yes her again) and she brought a few things to my attention with regards to the so called London Pace. First off, if London has a Pace, then Suburbia has a Saunter. By this I mean, the leisurely walk that people adopt when the hit cow country. The walk that says 'I have all the time in the world' the sort of walk that people adopt when they want people to know that if they wanted to they could stop and chat, if they wanted to. They could pop in for a coffee, they are in no rush to cross the road, there's no hurry, they have all the time in the world.
The London Pace is more of a half-skip-half-jog across the road and coffee to go sort of speed. It's most evident when I watch people in the morning, the commuters will rush to their car, open the door, throw their bag/purse into the passenger set, chip a small hole in which to see through and speed off with tyre squealing and a cloud of dust.
The Suburban Saunterer will exit the house, and ever so coolly meander up the drive to the car. They may examine the car, check for scratches, maybe rub off a smudge, they may even walk round to the passenger side in order to gently place their things onto the passenger seat. Then upon entering their car, which is preheated having been idling for five minutes, they will check all mirrors are just right before gently rolling out of the drive. The entire process is like a gigantic up yours to the people who have places to be, every movement is specially choreographed to say 'Hey, I'm in no hurry', and especially if they happen to be in the way of those who do have train to catch etc.
That's when they really come into their own, that person at the junction, waiting to pull into traffic, while you silently seething. YOU COULD HAVE FIT PARLIAMENT IN THAT GAP IT WAS SO BIG, but no, they are going to wait, wasn't quite big enough for them to get out, wouldn't' want to hold up traffic would we? No, we'll just create a queue of angry drivers all questioning how an idiot like yourself could have passed the driving test when you can't even get into traffic.
The second thing she mentioned was escalators, If you work in London you know what I am thinking; stand on the right, walk on the left - ignore this at your own peril! I Suburbia, people stand all over the place! They'll walk, lean, stand, wherever they damn well choose! So if you are in a hurry you can't walk up them without attempting an elaborate obstacle course! You see no one is in a hurry, they stand, and let the escalators transport them, and even they are slower! I'm sure of it! The escalators in my local shopping centres move at a glacial pace! So SLOW!!! Compared to the escalators in the tube station which are conveyor belts of doom, shipping you off at the end at such a speed that if you are not paying attention you could end up head first into the wall!
You see, It's not me! IT'S NOT ME! I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy, the world actually revolves slower outside of the city.
The London Pace is more of a half-skip-half-jog across the road and coffee to go sort of speed. It's most evident when I watch people in the morning, the commuters will rush to their car, open the door, throw their bag/purse into the passenger set, chip a small hole in which to see through and speed off with tyre squealing and a cloud of dust.
The Suburban Saunterer will exit the house, and ever so coolly meander up the drive to the car. They may examine the car, check for scratches, maybe rub off a smudge, they may even walk round to the passenger side in order to gently place their things onto the passenger seat. Then upon entering their car, which is preheated having been idling for five minutes, they will check all mirrors are just right before gently rolling out of the drive. The entire process is like a gigantic up yours to the people who have places to be, every movement is specially choreographed to say 'Hey, I'm in no hurry', and especially if they happen to be in the way of those who do have train to catch etc.
That's when they really come into their own, that person at the junction, waiting to pull into traffic, while you silently seething. YOU COULD HAVE FIT PARLIAMENT IN THAT GAP IT WAS SO BIG, but no, they are going to wait, wasn't quite big enough for them to get out, wouldn't' want to hold up traffic would we? No, we'll just create a queue of angry drivers all questioning how an idiot like yourself could have passed the driving test when you can't even get into traffic.
The second thing she mentioned was escalators, If you work in London you know what I am thinking; stand on the right, walk on the left - ignore this at your own peril! I Suburbia, people stand all over the place! They'll walk, lean, stand, wherever they damn well choose! So if you are in a hurry you can't walk up them without attempting an elaborate obstacle course! You see no one is in a hurry, they stand, and let the escalators transport them, and even they are slower! I'm sure of it! The escalators in my local shopping centres move at a glacial pace! So SLOW!!! Compared to the escalators in the tube station which are conveyor belts of doom, shipping you off at the end at such a speed that if you are not paying attention you could end up head first into the wall!
You see, It's not me! IT'S NOT ME! I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy, the world actually revolves slower outside of the city.
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
The Fridge
My Dad, the Messiah of the Easy Life, was faced with the decision about our new fridge. Our current fridge has broken but luckily it was still under warranty, they have provided us with a voucher to buy a new one.
The model we currently have is no longer produced.
Options are explained to him:
A) Get new fridge, it will not match the freezer.
B) Get new fridge and freezer, at an extra cost of £100, with the additional option of selling our current freezer.
His response:
Well, why can't we just get the same fridge?
Options are explained to him, again
I just don't understand this - followed by a huge sigh and eye rolling.
What is there not to understand? The thing is 5 years old, I don't have socks that old, let alone technology.
I'm going to call them.
I don't understand what good that will do but if you must.
An hour later, in outraged tone - They don't make the model anymore!
I'm fairly sure we already told you that. Did you think we were lying? An underhand scheme to obtain fridge domination, perhaps?
I can't believe they have stopped making that model!
Believe it. It's true. Move on.
So what do we do now?!
Options are explained to him again.
They told me before we could get the same model!
I'm sure they did and it had nothing to do with you misunderstanding. Move on.
What do you think we should do?
We have it narrowed down to two options. Options are explained to him again.
I can't believe we can't get the same fridge!
Your right, clearly this is some sort of fridge conspiracy.
So we have to get a different fridge?
That's right, we're making progress. Options are explained to him again.
Large Sigh, long suffering shrug and eye rolling. Shuffles out of room.
***
4 Hours later - Just do what you think is best.
Not quite a decision but at least he was involved in the decision making process. A process that he managed to slow down by an entire week.
FYI Fridge still leaking...
The model we currently have is no longer produced.
Options are explained to him:
A) Get new fridge, it will not match the freezer.
B) Get new fridge and freezer, at an extra cost of £100, with the additional option of selling our current freezer.
His response:
Well, why can't we just get the same fridge?
Options are explained to him, again
I just don't understand this - followed by a huge sigh and eye rolling.
What is there not to understand? The thing is 5 years old, I don't have socks that old, let alone technology.
I'm going to call them.
I don't understand what good that will do but if you must.
An hour later, in outraged tone - They don't make the model anymore!
I'm fairly sure we already told you that. Did you think we were lying? An underhand scheme to obtain fridge domination, perhaps?
I can't believe they have stopped making that model!
Believe it. It's true. Move on.
So what do we do now?!
Options are explained to him again.
They told me before we could get the same model!
I'm sure they did and it had nothing to do with you misunderstanding. Move on.
What do you think we should do?
We have it narrowed down to two options. Options are explained to him again.
I can't believe we can't get the same fridge!
Your right, clearly this is some sort of fridge conspiracy.
So we have to get a different fridge?
That's right, we're making progress. Options are explained to him again.
Large Sigh, long suffering shrug and eye rolling. Shuffles out of room.
***
4 Hours later - Just do what you think is best.
Not quite a decision but at least he was involved in the decision making process. A process that he managed to slow down by an entire week.
FYI Fridge still leaking...
London Pace
It's a little know fact that in London there is actually only 45 seconds per minute, this basically means that in London we have to get done in 45 minutes what in other parts of the country would be done in an hour. This results in what I have come to call the London Pace. This is most obvious to tourists and all non-londonised people, it occurs mostly in highly populated areas where they will struggle to keep up. You see, in London travelling, talking and tempers are faster. As a result of this we often see tiny Japanese tourist being swept along by the sea of very busy people, all you can make out is a yellow, plastic covered arm bobbing along and a piping voice struggling to be heard "British Museum?!" Or if they have come over in a pack there will be a group of yellow covered, waterproof tourists gabbling away with upside maps, and the angry Londoners will be swarming round them casting dirty looks in anger at the precious second they have lost having to go around the group. Surely they should apply some common sense? If you were in a Spanish street and you know the bulls were coming you wouldn't stand in the middle clucking away, trying to figure out where you were going. If you did you would probably get run over! Why they don't apply the same logic here? They stop in the middle of the pavement, blocking the whole thing, forcing those of us who know where we are going to go round them!
We are a city of Tesco Express, and self service tills. Even the till operators will huff at you if you take too long to pay; Time is Money lady, they are silently thinking at you, get a move on I have a queue round the shop! We do it as well, when you are next in line and you see that old dear counting out the right change, or that woman who has the ridiculously small purse so they can only get out one coin at a time, and we rage. I will stand there, even if I have loads of time, thinking for f**ks sake! We have a Prêt on every corner because we don't want to walk that extra 100m!
We are a city of Now. Your hungry, your want a sandwich now. Not in ten minutes because the shop is all the way down the road, oh no the shop is there, you go in you get your sandwich, you pay quickly and efficiently and then your out. No browsing, no lets see, what shall I have. In, Out, Done. Your Boss wants a spreadsheet populated with data, when does he want it? Now. Not time for, oh I'll just make a coffee first, no way! Now. This email need to go out Today. Theses invoices have to be approved by this afternoon. That purchase order needs verifying in an hour. This decision needs to be made now. Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now!! As a result when you allow yourself ten minutes to get from A to B and a lost American Family hinder that by walking out in front of you, then stopping, we snap.
Firstly, I nearly tripped over your poorly disciplined son as he ran away from you. Secondly you and your wife do not need to spin around looking for street names nearly knocking people flying with your map holding elbows. And finally on what planet did you decide that walking backwards on a busy London Street was a good idea! So we do what any British person would do, we tut, roll our eyes and sneer at the offending person.
The funny part is us commuters are stuck between worlds, and only another commuter will understand. We work in London, so we work to the London Pace, but we don't live there. So when we come home we try to continue our London Pace. We'll be there speeding along the road, silently cursing the slow cars who get in our way, we dodge and weave through crowd when we walk places and for what? We get there bang on time or worse, early and have to wait. People look at us as if to say what's the hurry? I was talking to someone last night, and I presented an idea to them. ‘Ok great, we'll discuss it later, we have plenty of time.’ Noooooo! I wanted to scream! Why can't you make the decision now, then I could action my plan and mentally tick it off. I want to stamp a big ol' DONE across it in my mental To Do list. In suburb-land you can ask people question and it can take up to 5 minutes to get an answer. It’s like they have taken lessons from the Ents in the Lord of the Rings films. “Anything worth saying is worth taking a long time to say it.” I’m like, yes, but if it was worthwhile to say it and you said it fast you could say something else worthwhile and then you would be doubly productive in your worthwhile sayings! Cue blank faces and amused expressions. Sigh.
They never understand. Maybe one day when I have slowed down I can hire myself out as an interpreter between the two worlds. Bridge the gap between the London pace and everyone else. Till then I will just have to learn to take a big breath and be patient, it can’t be that hard.
Yeah, Right.
We are a city of Tesco Express, and self service tills. Even the till operators will huff at you if you take too long to pay; Time is Money lady, they are silently thinking at you, get a move on I have a queue round the shop! We do it as well, when you are next in line and you see that old dear counting out the right change, or that woman who has the ridiculously small purse so they can only get out one coin at a time, and we rage. I will stand there, even if I have loads of time, thinking for f**ks sake! We have a Prêt on every corner because we don't want to walk that extra 100m!
We are a city of Now. Your hungry, your want a sandwich now. Not in ten minutes because the shop is all the way down the road, oh no the shop is there, you go in you get your sandwich, you pay quickly and efficiently and then your out. No browsing, no lets see, what shall I have. In, Out, Done. Your Boss wants a spreadsheet populated with data, when does he want it? Now. Not time for, oh I'll just make a coffee first, no way! Now. This email need to go out Today. Theses invoices have to be approved by this afternoon. That purchase order needs verifying in an hour. This decision needs to be made now. Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now!! As a result when you allow yourself ten minutes to get from A to B and a lost American Family hinder that by walking out in front of you, then stopping, we snap.
Firstly, I nearly tripped over your poorly disciplined son as he ran away from you. Secondly you and your wife do not need to spin around looking for street names nearly knocking people flying with your map holding elbows. And finally on what planet did you decide that walking backwards on a busy London Street was a good idea! So we do what any British person would do, we tut, roll our eyes and sneer at the offending person.
The funny part is us commuters are stuck between worlds, and only another commuter will understand. We work in London, so we work to the London Pace, but we don't live there. So when we come home we try to continue our London Pace. We'll be there speeding along the road, silently cursing the slow cars who get in our way, we dodge and weave through crowd when we walk places and for what? We get there bang on time or worse, early and have to wait. People look at us as if to say what's the hurry? I was talking to someone last night, and I presented an idea to them. ‘Ok great, we'll discuss it later, we have plenty of time.’ Noooooo! I wanted to scream! Why can't you make the decision now, then I could action my plan and mentally tick it off. I want to stamp a big ol' DONE across it in my mental To Do list. In suburb-land you can ask people question and it can take up to 5 minutes to get an answer. It’s like they have taken lessons from the Ents in the Lord of the Rings films. “Anything worth saying is worth taking a long time to say it.” I’m like, yes, but if it was worthwhile to say it and you said it fast you could say something else worthwhile and then you would be doubly productive in your worthwhile sayings! Cue blank faces and amused expressions. Sigh.
They never understand. Maybe one day when I have slowed down I can hire myself out as an interpreter between the two worlds. Bridge the gap between the London pace and everyone else. Till then I will just have to learn to take a big breath and be patient, it can’t be that hard.
Yeah, Right.
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